ROBOT :]

wow.

it has really been quite a while huh?


sigh.
so much had happened during the past few months.
yet, it seemed like nothing ever did happen.

is it possible to lose all the things you treasured in one time.
all in a sudden..
poof, and its all gone, just like that.
i've been so careful, too careful..
i think through everything before i act it out..i kept all my feelings to myself.
i lock myself away from new people, because i'm tired..
tired of the whole trial and error thing to see if we actually click..
i thought i have all the good friends i'll ever need already..
i thought i've grew up and finally start to see who my real friends were..
but man was i wrong..
so DAMN wrong.
and so fcking stupid too.

i'm tired, i'm really tired..
i dno why..
all of a sudden, its like life itself has no meaning anymore..
i mean i dont feel like dying but..
its like i dont see hope in there anymore..
for me, right now i'm living just for the sake of living.
there's nothing else more than that.

i hate this, i hate to see other ppl actually living their life to the fullest,
while i'm still here, sitting, waiting in my seat for something to happen.
i dont know how to sociallize anymore.
i'm scared.
i dont know how to show people my true self anymore..
because i'm not really sure who i really am now.

tonight, realisation hit me without warning.
it might be the whole pms and hormone thing..
because my soul felt so empty all of a sudden.

i'm not good at anything, at all.
in fact, i suck at everything i do.
even the things i love.
but i still kept trying the best i can to reach my goals.

at this moment though,
i dont know what my goal is anymore.
i have no idea where i want to go from here..
i've lost everything...


please,
teach me how to keep the faith when faith itself is starting to crumble on its own?

there's so many emotions running through me yet there's no one for me to talk to.


two best friends
if they ever were that is.
gone
i know i'm not the best kind of friend there is..
and you've got your own life to live..
so.
i decided to just let it go.
you did nothing wrong.
i'm the one to blame.
i should have moved on too.
but i didnt have anywhere to move onto..
so yeah..
its my problem.
its all my fault that i ended up like this.

i wanted to prove that i can live my life better without you..
or atleast better than yours..
but i have failed. miserably, in fact.
im such a pathetic girl arent i?
gosh..who the hell am i asking???
no one will ever read this for all i know.

great, i'm so despo now that i'm talking to the comp.

dear laptop or blogger or whatever..

my life is a mess. a piece of worthless crap. what should i do? what COULD i do???

sign, hopeless.


i better head to bed..
because apparently, i still have art class tmr..
and i want to keep my face pimpleless thank you.

life goes on, after all.
even when you've lost everything.

:congrats zoey, you just became a living robot :)

3:53am

(last night no connection.so..yeah..)